Imagining India Without Religion or Partition:
A Serious Essay About a Very Unserious Idea
CHAPTER 1 –
THE BROMANCE INDIA NEVER GOT
I remember when I was in school I used to debate quite often, and I absolutely have no idea why I used to present a “setting” before the audience in my head I just thought it would make my discourse look more apt and I would just connect with the adjudicators now that I look back at it, it is bullshit, but it makes sense also, because you would want to give an example even in the most economic, jurisprudence topic ever. So to whoever is reading it, it’s probably three of my very friends who are probably reading it because I forced them to or my mom who thinks I am literally Nani Palkhiwala 2.0 but to whoever and whatever if I might present my 2 cents, I was born in 2006 and I don’t know what life was like before then, I went to a cbse school and I hate political science in 11th and 12th but one thing I understood was Britishers divided us and Jinnah and Gandhi were the main dudes, it is almost like divorce but out of ego actually not almost it quite literally is, I mean there is ego, influence but there was love. Now that I think about it, what if India never actually got divided, what if it was never influenced, what is it was never in this dilemma of Hindu Muslim.
India before 1947 without religion. It sounds like fiction. Fanfiction. It’s almost like I am watching conjuring at night and now I cannot sleep but my dad’s like “Suhani, it is just a movie, it isn’t actually real”. The kind where Gandhi and Jinnah are best friends, eating Bun Maska at Irani cafés and trauma-bonding over British taxation policies. The kind where Partition is just a silly plot twist that never happens because the two main characters finally communicate. The kind where there is not only Chennai express but Lahore express too.
“United India” itself sounds like a romantic delusion pretty it is like the one where the dead wife never dies because of some disease and it is all la la land between the couple, patriotic, Desh bhakti-coded but you know what the irony is, the irony hides in the word united. Because even if Partition never happened, even if everyone suddenly woke up irreligious or secular, even if there was no temple-mosque discourse, the real question is would we still actually be united?
SECTION 1: WOULD WE ACTUALLY BE UNITED?
Absolutely not. Drum roll, please: NO. And not a subtle no, a loud, obvious, historically consistent NO.
Because here’s the REAL truth: The British didn’t create our problems. They simply spotted the cracks, poured our own Indian named, Indian branded fevicol on the wrong pressure points and butt cracks, sharpened our insecurities, and then said, “Ok bye, have immense fun with the trauma I have given you, you whankers. You shit, you cannot event trauma bond now, innit?”
Religion wasn’t the disease. It was the tool. The scalpel. The perfect accessory to our already boiling pot of caste superiority, regional ego, linguistic flexing, class drama, political hunger, generational fear, and full-blown main-character syndrome of wants to rule.
Honestly, religion itself is a social construct human-made jurisprudence that became sacred simply because enough people agreed to pretend it was sacred. Two teams fighting over stories none of us were alive to witness. Naturally, it became the easiest matchstick for “Divide and Rule.” You tell me, there are three toddlers all fighting for unhealthy crap food, one smart influence, one smart cocomelon episode, one whisper of “look, he is eating healthy, you should too”.
British communal electorates turned flexible identities into rigid walls. Then they stepped back and watched the chaos like it was peak TRP.
Now, enter the alternate universe:
SECTION 2: THE BROMANCE THAT COULD HAVE SAVED US
Like literally, saved us.
Imagine…no, feel this with me.
Gandhi and Jinnah as best friends. Not political rivals. Not “two ideologies.” Just two men sending each other “good morning” texts. Two men saying: “Bro, let’s actually, like for real, make one big India.” A religion-less, drama-less, Partition-less,
PIB — Pakistan–India–Bangladesh.
The OG burger. The burger of your dreams, no whooper, no maharaja is topping this up. There is One big patty, many flavors.
I understand college students don’t necessarily like and appreciate the fact that there is an elaborate usage of simple language with analogies explaining something historic to me, I need proper modus operandi of everything I go through. Guess what, here is another setting for you, now picture this setting with me:
Gandhi: “No beef bans, no nonsense. Let’s build the greatest country ever.”
Jinnah: “Bro SAME. Also, I want IIT Karachi.”
Gandhi: “Fine, but Punjab becomes the capital.”
Jinnah: “Okay, then I want my face on the currency.”
Gandhi: “Lol that is NOT happening.”
See? Even amongst the bros, bromance gets if I might say baaaaddd. So, what will happen in such a crisis? Even if both bros have decided to make one country, no chaos, no religion, if no religion or one religion then there is no origin of ego or power and greed to rule and thus implying the fact that there is then no divide and rule, meaning woah! Finally, one country. But might I tell you, religion isn’t the only issue of united India It is Indians who we are talking about at the end of the day. #kalesh #gharkekalesh #bringbacktwitter
Because here’s the line no NCERT will ever print: Partition wasn’t inevitable. It wasn’t destiny. It wasn’t theology. It was two brilliant men with God-level pride, decades of political miscommunication, and one British dude with a ruler and zero empathy. If Gandhi and Jinnah weren’t stubborn perfectionists with insane obsessive controlling disorder and with the emotional range of first year university students so enthusiastic running around trying to make sure every fest goes alright, maybe two million people wouldn’t have died. And yes, Gandhi being a lawyer fits perfectly into the old stereotype which they say:
lawyers are like jealous mistresses, and obviously they very good liars.
But well, here we are.
SECTION 3 : ENTER THE WHAT IF: THE MULTIVERSE OF INDIA
Now let us imagine:
No religion.
No Partition.
No divide-and-rule.
Just one gigantic, chaotic, unstoppable PIB.
Not the CID with Daya and its unholy memes, but PIB.
A country so large the West would schedule therapy sessions, Punjab becomes the new America, agriculture, attitude, diaspora, trucks, power. Calcutta becomes so populated it could literally apply for UN membership, bigger than half of these veto power countries. Karachi gets its IITs. Dhaka gets its IIMs. Lahore becomes the cultural capital of the entire world. The PIB Cricket League would literally without a second thought shall replace our very own IPL. Cricket the breath of Indian families, cricket the sport of religion and Dhoni baba, only if both Pakistan and India not as bowler and batsmen but as one team together could play I personally would be terrified, Australia and Africa. The international court of crime goes into coma. There is no restriction when it comes to food. Beef is legal. Chaos becomes constitutional. Everything which you ever imagined is on papers.
Beautiful or terrifying? I don’t know but imagine.
But here comes the philosophical slap because India hates unity. India is not meant to be united. Even in your fantasy, India breaks from inside. Because India is not a country, India is a metaphor. A thought. A sketchbook. It is this Nostalgia with potholes. Poetry with broken roads. It’s a dream we keep writing fanfiction about. India is this feeling that we keep thing about, it is this feeling of unison, so many religions, so many cultures, so many people yet a perfect India, what does it look like?
The real national conflict wouldn’t be language or caste or culture. It would be the most Indian thing ever:
“Who gets to be on the currency note?”
Gandhi? Jinnah? Ambedkar? Bhagat Singh? Tagore? Periyar?
Not religion. Not theology. Not faith.
Just pride. Ego. Family name. Social capital. Nepo-politics. This is why India could never fully unite. The battle was never temple vs mosque. It was always, has always been, politician vs politician. Identity vs identity. Name vs name. North vs South. East vs West. So yes, when I claim this, I firmly claim this, British didn’t divide us. They simply noticed we were already dividable.
And the rest, well, here we are writing this chapter, in a country that still hasn’t recovered from a breakup it didn’t fully understand.
End of Chapter 1.
Turn the page.