The Great Indian Cavity Crisis
Indian teeth vs. foreign teeth , one of the greatest unsolved mysteries of our time. A weird analogy? Maybe. But hear me out.
My uncles and aunts in the USA have the kind of teeth that could blind you under direct sunlight like they have shiny, white, and straight out of a priyanaka chopra jumping out of literally no where kya tumahare tooth paste mae namak aur neem hai commercial. Meanwhile, in India, our teeth have a color palette so diverse it deserves its own Pantone chart. A warm turmeric yellow, the biryani brown, the coffee-kissed beige, the proud vimal paan red, and my personal favorite, the “I swear I brush every day, but genetics said no” off-white.
And yet, do we care? Absolutely not.
Maybe that’s why dentists hold the lowest rank in the great Indian hierarchy of aunty uncle kya bolenge medical degrees.
“Acha, doctor ban rahi hai?” (Oh, you’re becoming a doctor?) Interested nod.
“Konsi doctor?” (What kind of doctor?)
“Dentist.”
*Cue the disappointed silence.*
Because let’s be honest , Indians respect their teeth about as much as they respect the arts (now rebranded as humanities for better PR). Meanwhile, half the country has an engineering degree in something as scientifically groundbreaking as printing technology (science!).
But let’s take a moment to appreciate the sheer diversity of Indian teeth. From the sophisticated coffee stains of the corporate elite to the bold, rebellious imprint of Vimal Pan Masala, our teeth tell a story. And what a story it is the uneven, unpredictable, and falling out at their own convenience.
Braces? Sure, some of us had them. But what’s more Indian than getting braces in 10th grade, going through years of torture, and then realizing two years later that your teeth are rebelling against capitalism and shifting back to their original positions? Jai Hind Tax Mata.
And here’s the kicker , while models in the USA proudly flaunt gap teeth like it’s high fashion, here we treat it like a crime against humanity. I have the cutest gap in my front teeth. Does that make me edgy, trendy, a potential Vogue cover girl? No. It just makes me the designated bike stand for my own fork. Maggi ka breaking samachar, every single time.
But what truly baffles me is our priorities. We obsess over fairness creams, anti-hair fall oils, and gym memberships we never use, yet we completely ignore things like dental checkups and medical insurance.
Indians are the kings of backups , so many backups that we forget about the original thing. And that includes our own bodies.
An apple a day might keep the doctor away but oh man, that seed just got stuck in my braces.